Friday, July 1, 2011

**5 Most Outlandish Conspiracy Theories Ever**

I've heard some incredibly insane ideas during my short time on earth. So, upon the suggestion of @MHT--parttime scientist & alchemy enthusiast--I compiled a list of the most far-fetched beliefs that humans (or are they?) ever held. In the hopes of keeping myself off any undesirable lists, I must disclaim that I merely PRESENT these zany theories and don't necessarily espouse them personally (hear that, Lizard people?):

5.) Hollow Earth Theory:

Proponents of Hollow Earth believe that the interior of our planet consists either of partially, or wholly empty space. Now, in and of itself, this may not seem that zany--completely at odds with modern science, sure--but not completely outside the realm of sanity. It's when H.E. supporters disclose what they believe to be dwelling in all that empty space that things begin to get a little brown-acidy. Namely: subterranean civilizations of ancient aliens.

4.) Nazi Aliens:

So apparently the Nazis were working with aliens during WWII to develop futuristic machinery that would have annihilated the Allied Forces, reigning Fascism around the globe. And they would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling Randy Quaid.

Evidently though, the Nazis lost on purpose so that they could infiltrate NASA, the CIA and the NSA in the decades following Hitler's glorious removal from this planet. Here's an interesting (phenomenally boring) clip of some sort of bearded expert rambling about something for about 10 minutes. I don't know what he's talking about, I stopped paying attention 30 seconds in. But if 10 minutes of listening to this dude speak isn't enough, fear not: this is apparently only part 2 of 8. Also: lebotomize yourself.

3.) Stephen King Murdered John Lennon:

I can't even begin to try and explain this convoluted lunacy. So I'll just let the man that proposed it do the explaining:

Oh wait, that was just him getting literally laughed out of a public forum. So let me just briefly say that this dude, who I've had the misfortune of directly encountering, believes that the CIA and President Reagan used mind control to steer the actions of Stephen King (yes, that Stephen King) so that he would assassinate Lennon and in return be rewarded with one of the most lucrative writing careers in history. Insanity? Sure. But I've always hated the work of Stephen King, along with 33 other people on Facebook, apparently.

2.) Planet X:

An ancient planet within our very own Solar System, named Nibiru, is destined to intersect Earth's orbit by December 21st, 2012. Why haven't we seen it yet? That would be far too logical of a question to introduce now, after we've come so far. But here's some undeniable proof in the form of a shoddily-produced Youtube video:

1.) Reptilian Race Rules the Planet:

Popularized by fringe author David Icke, the Reptilian Theory suggests that a group of shapeshifting, reptoid aliens are running the course of human civilization, having long ago infiltrated the highest levels of government, media and business. For evidence of this, supporters point to an expanding collection of recorded images depicting strange pupil distortions from the eyes of televised personalities. This is incontrovertible proof because--as we all well know--everything on television is several sites on the internet confirm this--another infallible reference source (according to the internet). What their agenda consists of is anybody's guess, but let's just hope that they're here to serve man.

There's plenty of things that can neither be fully explained nor understood by conventional science, so I'm all about people throwing crazy shit out there in the hopes of clarifying the puzzling nature of existence. But the unfortunate aspect of all these fringe ideas is that they wind up marginalizing the more easily-substantiated conspiracy theories, placing every unconventional belief under the collective, all-encompassing umbrella of 'kookery.' We can never really prove the nature of this universe, so even if we might view some strange ideas with tremendous skepticism, you just never know...Except for Stephen King murdering John Lennon--that's some absolute bullshit. Hopefully the truth is out there, but you probably won't ever be allowed to see it.

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