**100 Bites of the Big Apple**

The City is a big-ass place. When trekking through the 5 Boroughs it's easy to become overwhelmed by the staggering array of bars, restaurants, clubs, parks, bars, overpaid athletes, overpaid bankers, underpaid street performers and impossibly large sewer rodents peppered across the landscape. To help make sense of all the madness, here is your ultimate primer...The Top 100 Bites of the Big Apple (In No Particular Order--Pictured Items Italicized):

100.) "The Bomb" -- Sal, Kris and Charlie's Deli (Astoria)

99.) "Bistro Burger" -- Corner Bistro (West Village)

98.) "Spotted Pig Burger" The Spotted Pig -- (West Village)

97.) Yellowfin tuna and foie gras on a toasted baguette -- Le Bernardin (Midtown)

96.) Prime Sirloin Steak -- Sparks Steakhouse (Midtown East)

95.) "Italian Deli Pizza" -- Saluggis (TriBeCa)

94.) Pirogi -- Lomzynianka (Greenpoint)

93.) Omakase -- Ushiwakamaru (Greenwich Village)

92.) "The Salty Pimp" -- Big Gay Ice Cream Truck (Union Square)

91.) Lobster Bisque -- The Lobster Place (Chelsea)

90.) Blood Orange Doughnut -- Dough (Bedford Stuyvesant)

89.) Rose Sangria -- Boqueria (South Village)

88.) Mac N' Cheese Slice -- Vinnie's Pizzeria (Greenpoint)

87.) Jamon Serrano & Manchego Sandwich -- Murray's Cheese Shop (West Village)

86.) Fresh Mint Gelato -- il Laboratorio del Gelato (Lower East Side)

85.) "Ki Roll" -- Ki Sushi (Cobble Hill)

84.) Veal Meatballs -- Bar Pitti (Greenwich Village)

83.) Porterhouse of Pork -- M. Wells (Long Island City) [TEMPORARILY CLOSED]

82.) Banh Mi -- Saigon Vietnamese Sandwich Deli (NoLIta)

81.) "Cheese Royale Burger" -- Royale (Alphabet City)

80.) Blue Cheese Tator Tots -- BLT Prime (Flatiron)

79.) Smoked & Fried Pork Nuggets Char No. 4 (Cobble Hill)

78.) Whole Wheat Everything Bagel with Lox Spread -- Ess-A-Bagel (Stuy Town)

77.) Red Velvet Ice Cream Sandwich -- Peter Pan Bakery (Greenpoint)

76.) Croque Monsieur -- Tartine (West Village)

75.) Prosciutto Arugula -- Otto Enoteca Pizzeria (Greenwich Village)

74.) "Aviation No. 1" -- Milk & Honey (Lower East Side)

73.) Beef Marrow & Oxtail Marmalade -- Blue Ribbon Brasserie (South Village)

72.) Krasata Paidakia -- Pylos (East Village)

71.) Roasted Duckling -- Bouley (TriBeCa)

70.) Baked Stuffed Veal Chop -- Del Posto (Chelsea)

69.) Yellowfin Tuna Tartare -- Gotham Bar and Grill (Greenwich Village)

68.) The DuMont Burger w/ Gruyere and Bacon-- DuMont (Williamsburg)

67.) Cheesy Waffle Fries -- 99 Miles to Philly (Union Square)

66.) Any Extra-hoppy I.P.A. -- Blind Tiger Ale House (West Village)

65.) "Pizza del Re" -- Keste Pizza & Vino (West Village)

64.) Original New York Cheesecake -- Junior's (Downtown Brooklyn)

63.) "Recession Special" -- Gray's Papaya (Upper West Side)

62.) "Eggs Hussard" -- Schiller's Liquor Bar (Lower East Side)

61.) Capt. Lawrence Reserve Imperial IPA -- Barcade (Williamsburg)

60.) Truffle Egg Toast w/ Bottarga -- 'inoteca (Lower East Side)

59.) Meatball Sliders -- Little Owl (West Village)

58.) Nonna Maria Slice -- Bleecker Street Pizza (West Village)

57.) Vermont Pork & Cheddar Link -- DBGB (NoHo)

56.) Smoked Pork Shoulder -- Gramercy Tavern (Flatiron)

55.) Connecticut Style Lobster Roll -- Red Hook Lobster Pound (Red Hook)

54.) Hellboy -- Paulie Gee's (Greenpoint)

53.) Creme Brulee Doughnut -- Doughnut Plant (Lower East Side)

52.) Crab Pizza -- Artichoke Basille's Pizza & Brewery (East Village)

51.) Coconut Cupcake -- Magnolia Bakery (West Village)

50.) Cuban Sandwich -- Cafe Habana (NoLIta)

49.) Any Hard to Find Ale -- Spuyten Duyvil (Williamsburg)

48.) Toro Tartare -- Morimoto (Chelsea)

47.) Pappardelle Bolognese -- Babbo Ristorante e Enoteca (Greenwich Village)

46.) "Kasha Knish" -- Yonah Schimmel's Knishes Bakery (Lower East Side)

45.) Burnt Ends -- RUB BBQ (Chelsea)

44.) Xiao Long Bao -- Joe's Shanghai (Chinatown)

43.) Sweet Potato Fries -- Maoz (Union Square)

42.) Blue 9 Burger Medieval Style -- Blue 9 Burger (East Village)

41.) Freddy's Junior -- King of Falafel and Shawarma (Astoria)

40.) Mac N' Cheese Pancakes -- Shopsins (Lower East Side)

39.) Peppers & Onions Hot Dog -- Nathan's Famous (Coney Island)

38.) Margherita Pizza -- Denino's Pizzeria Tavern (Elm Park)

37.) Scallion Pancakes -- Nan Xiang Dumpling House (Flushing)

36.) Bourbon and Toffee French Toast -- Diner (Williamsburg)

35.) Fried Yard Bird --Red Rooster (Harlem)

34.) Fettucini w/ Oxtail Ragu -- Eataly (Flatiron)

33.) Dry Aged Côte de Boeuf -- Minetta Tavern (Greenwich Village)

32.) Corned Beef on Rye -- 2nd Avenue Deli (Murray Hill)

31.) "The Bee Sting" -- Roberta's (Bushwick)

30.) Peking Style Pork Chops -- Nice Green Bo Restaurant (Chinatown)

29.) Gennaro Pie -- Lombardi's Pizza (NoLIta)

28.) Frites w/ Mango Chutney Mayo -- Pommes Frites (East Village)

27.) Pilsner and a Brat -- The Standard Beer Garden (Meatpacking District)

26.) Sashimi Sushi Combo -- Tomoe Sushi (Greenwich Village)

25.) Stuffed Artichoke -- Dominick's (Arthur Avenue)

24.) Pepperoni and Basil Pie -- Lucali (Carroll Gardens)

23.) "Chariman Bao" -- Baohaus (Lower East Side)

22.) Bacon Cheeseburger -- JG Melon (Upper East Side)

21.) Porterhouse Contadina -- Carmine's (Upper West Side)

20.) "Chihuahua Dog" -- Crif Dogs (St. Marks Place)

19.) Poutine w/ Smoked Meat -- Mile End (Boerum Hill)

18.) Elvis Cupcake -- Butter Lane (East Village)

17.) Shack Stack -- Shake Shack (Upper West Side)

16.) Bratwurst & Weihenstephaner Vitus -- Radegast Hall (Williamsburg)

15.) Any West Coast Microbrew -- Pacific Standard (Park Slope)

14.) Guaco Loco -- San Loco (East Village)

13.) Rivington Street -- Murray's Bagels (Greenwich Village)

12.) Fresh Burrata -- Il-Postino (Midtown East)

11.) Akamaru Modern -- Ippudo (East Village)

10.) Falafel Sandwich -- Mamoun's Falafel (Greenwich Village)

9.) Pork Belly -- Fette Sau (Williamsburg)

8.) Sausage and Broccoli Rabe Pie -- Di Fara Pizza (Midwood)

7.) Chicken Parm Sandwich -- Tino's Delicatessen (Arthur Avenue)

6.) Porterhouse for Two -- Peter Luger Steak House (Williamsburg)

5.) Pepperoni Pie -- Totonno's (Coney Island)

4.) Spicy Pork Sausage & Rice Cakes -- Momofuku Ssam Bar (East Village)

3.) Super Heebster -- Russ & Daughters (Lower East Side)

2.) Blue Fin Tuna -- Sushi Yasuda (Midtown East)

1.) Pastrami w/ Melted Swiss -- Katz's Delicatessen (Lower East Side)

There you have it. And now I'm fucking starving. First person to compile 100 photos--one for each of these magnetic munchies--wins a prize far beyond your wildest desires.

Peking Style Pork Chops (Nice Green Bo)

**Ten Most Famous T*pless Scenes**

Great. Now that the self-important political rambling has concluded, we can move on to more pressing matters: boobs. Here at the Revolting Blog © we are quite dismissive of most things, but if there are two things that we whole-heartedly appreciate, they're boobs. And a third thing: lists. So, in the interest of saving time, we've combined these totally awesome aspects of internetting into one. Namely, a list of boobs--and more specifically, a list of the most famous boobs to ever bounce their way into mainstream Hollywood motion pictures. For those of you that think this is perverted, I have a few choice 'p' words of my own to spray your way, primarily: prude, puritanical, pious, pubic. The last one is only there for dramatic impact. But, in all seriousness, lighten up. We are about to take a purely innocent, non-erotic gander at the aesthetic wonder that is the female form, no disrespect intended...now let's look at 'em titties!!! (All photos have been censored to preserve a PG-13 rating, but if you promise you're over 18--click on the titular links...haha, titular)

10.) Ginger Knowles (Halle Berry) in Swordfish - 2001

Considering that this was one of the most laughably horrendous action films this side of Jean Claude Van-Damme's career, I'm assuming that the only reason you ever saw this movie was for the above scene. And sweet Jesus was it worth it. Bonus points awarded to Berry for making her first topless appearance in a film with such staggering artistic merit.

9.) Sil (Natasha Henstridge) in Species - 1995

This movie was incredibly influential on my adolescence. Because of this demented sci-fi action thriller, I still to this day have to assume that every impossibly gorgeous, blonde bombshell that comes up to me at a club demanding sex is probably some sort of blood-sucking, alien monster. Who knows how many genuine full-blooded human supermodels I've turned away in the process...

8.) Megan (Nicole Eggert) in Blown Away - 1993

Good God, there's not much I can say about this movie. But that's only because I've never bothered watching anything more than this one scene. So I can tell you that this movie involves a hot, naked chick getting railed by Corey Haim, if that helps push it up your Netflix queue. I'd say it's the highlight of Haim's tragically short career, but that would only be partially true. It's actually the highlight of Haim's tragically short life.

7.) Kelly Van Ryan (Denise Richards) in Wild Things - 1998

Another one with tremendous nostalgic value. Imagine if you were an impressionable, young child and you thought you had just rented Where the Wild Things Are but were then astonished to see a steamy lesbian makeout session between two of the hotter young actresses of their day--how fucking awesome would that be? For the sake of our future generations, I hope that mistake is being made right now. By the way, who invited you Johnny Drama Sr? You're totally killing my, umm buzz.

6.) Ethel Ann (Mischa Barton) in Closing the Ring - 2007

Mischa Barton's career never reached the lofty heights that some had imagined it would. And thank goodness for that--if she had become a successful starlet she'd never feel compelled to bare her perky breasts for the world to see in a shitty arthouse flick like the easily forgettable, Closing the Ring.

5.) Jessica King (Katie Holmes) in The Gift - 2000

Katie Holmes only went topless once--in a movie that probably was only seen accidentally in theaters, by movie-goers confused by the title into thinking they would be receiving some sort of prize upon entry. The real 'gift' came in the form of Katie's gorgeous, well-proportioned funbags, in a scene that either really pisses Tom Cruise off--or marks the only time he's ever seen his "wife's" exposed chest.

4.) Beth Wagner (Amy Smart) in Road Trip - 2000

This movie was a double-whammy for adolescent boys everywhere. Not only does it feature the asinine, fart-joke driven humor of Tom Green and Co.--perfectly suited to Middle-Schoolers everywhere--it also cuts right to the chase with an incredible strip-tease from buxom blonde Amy Smart, within the first 15 minutes of the film. No pesky fast-forwarding necessary.

3.) Jill St. Clair (Amanda Peet) in The Whole Nine Yards - 2000

Amanda Peet is one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood today and this incredibly awesome, totally unexpected scene helped prop-up her promising career. Brandishing a handgun while exposing her glorious nipples was enough to make Amanda Peet any redneck's non-Confederacy-related dream come true. Too bad for them she's Jewish.

2.) Diane Selwyn (Naomi Watts) and Rita (Laura Harring) in Mulholland Dr. - 2001

This brown-acid trip of a mindfuck that David Lynch questionably calls a 'movie' will always have a prominent place in my DVD collection simply because of the Oscar-worthy acting of Australian hottie Naomi Watts--just kidding...it's because of all the scorching-hot lesbian action. Duh.

1.) Linda Barrett (Phoebe Cates) in Fast Times at Ridgemont High - 1982

This is it! The ultimate male fantasy sequence and the exact moment when the sexual curiosities of an entire generation were awakened. It's impossible for me to think of the name "Phoebe Cates" without hearing that incredibly corny '80s electronica bleeping and blooping in the background of my brain as I envision that slow, majestic revelation of her perfectly-sculpted knockers. It is to my great advantage, or embarrassment, that the character having the fantasy shares my first name.

So what do you think? Is this list the tits, or what?

Anger into Action

Occupy Wall Street--the rapidly expanding movement that has grown out of lower Manhattan over the past few weeks--has received a fair share of derision at the hands of the MSM. The most common gripe seems to be that protestors lack leadership and any clear goals or agenda. Well, for one: they do. But perhaps more compelling is simply their snowballing presence and strengthening resonance throughout the cultural landscape. They are nothing less than a physical manifestation of the colossal unrest and free-floating anger that pervades contemporary society. This huge amorphous blob of dissatisfaction is entirely threatening to the establishment because it can easily be sculpted into something far more concrete and revolutionary, but ONLY if the Powers That Be aren't able to contain it in its fledgling phases.

In the name of promoting traction, here is one very easy vow that can and should become a mantra for these hoarded masses of unhappy citizens: Vote.

That's right. An easy to perform task that some would even refer to as civic duty. It's only going to take an hour or two--at most--out of your entire year, and judging by the fact that you've been camping out in downtown Manhattan for the past few weeks, I think you can fit it into your busy schedule. SO FUCKING DO IT!

But here's the catch--DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE VOTE FOR ANY CANDIDATE THAT HAS ANY SORT OF CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP WHATSOEVER.

The increasing mess that we find ourselves in today (namely a disturbing disparity between mega-rich and everyone else) is wholly a function of the revolving door between Big Business and Big Politics. Businesses spoon-feed political campaigns--hedging their bets by doubling down on both sides of the aisle. Politicians, GOPs and DEMs alike, respond by looking out for their donors. It's not Rocket Science, it's elementary logic--you scratch my back, I scratch yours.

In Journalism any publisher will tell you about the supreme importance of a firewall that exists between advertising and editorial. Without it, you can merely buy yourself press and in so doing sacrifice the integrity that is vital to any reputable news source. In society, business is advertising and politics is editorial, yet we have let the firewall between the two erode entirely. And how do you think that has affected the integrity of our beloved institutions?

Our only hope of ever breaking this vicious cycle is to support--exclusively--candidates that don't owe anything to corporate sponsorship. And thanks to modern technology (i.e. the Internet) we can do the research necessary to find these outliers, no matter how obscure or under-advertised they may seem. Obscurity is obsolete in this day and age, so let's start taking advantage of that fact. It is profoundly asinine that our society continually refuses to entertain the viability of a 3rd party option.

If I loved Coca-Cola but then one day the flavor unexpectedly changed and started sucking ass, I'd strongly consider giving Pepsi a try. So now I'm all setup with Pepsi, but then--wouldn't you know it-- Pepsi started sucking shit as well. So maybe once, just once, I'll have the opportunity to try switching back to Coca-Cola again without being viewed as a complete and total imbecile. But how many times can I switch back and forth between these, and ONLY these two sucky options before friends and loved ones would consider having me committed? It's a pretty simple point, America: give RC Cola a chance already, won't you? It's really not that bad. Just because you've never seen a commercial for them doesn't mean it's not fantastically refreshing. Fuck, even go with Polar

Cola if you want--true, their soda tastes like asshole, but they have a super cool website.

Why do we INSIST upon pigeon-holing ourselves within the most restrictive boxes imaginable? WHY!?

Some 20th century pseudo-intellectual named Albert Ein-something (a moron, relatively speaking) famously defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Doesn't anyone notice this? I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!!!

Let's all come together, Occupiers, Tea Partiers, Libertarians, Socialists--we all want the same thing: a fair shake at a happy life for ourselves and our families. So why not combine our efforts against the common enemy and make the fragmenting, disempowering terms REPUBLICAN and DEMOCRAT as obsolete as they are non-productive. Now THAT would be a movement you can bet your ass would make Wall Street and Washington tremble.

R.I.P. Steve Jobs

"Even though I never met him, I'm feeling the loss of Steve Jobs on a very personal level."

If u bought $500 worth of Apple the day that Forrest Gump came out, it'd be worth $30,226 today.

It would be impossible to go through a single day in modern society without using a device innovated by Steve Jobs.

**Best Burger Bulletin**

The following compilation of the Country’s Best Burgers is the DEFINITIVE, know-all-end-all list. In fact, you will never have to seek out another list for hamburgers for as long as you live. After years of cross country travel I have assembled the following 25 spots from all around America and smooshed them down into one consolidated resource so that you don’t have to think about such controversial matters ever again. Instead you can spend your time worrying about stupid things, like where the best hot dogs can be found. I don’t know hot dogs, but I DO know Hamburgers...That being said, this was the hardest list to rank, EVER...because it had to be completely, 100% accurate. The only rule was that popular chain locations had to be omitted, so don’t be insulted In n’ Out and 5 Guys fanatics...You are great and all, but only when McDonalds and Burger King are used as a basis of comparison. Enjoy...

25.) Pearl’s Deluxe Burgers 708 Post Street SF, CA 94109 (415) 409-6120

San Francisco’s favorite greasy-spoon diner delight offers an array of bitching burgers. The go-to has got to be the Spicy Sly, featuring spicy pumpkin-habanero sauce and topped with grilled peppers and spicy Jack cheese. Upgrade the patty to Kobe-status for a few bucks more worth of delectability.

24.) Rocky’s Crown Pub 3786 Ingraham Street San Diego, CA 92109 (858) 273-9140

The best pub style burger in the West. Simple, greasy and to the point. Surf’s up.

23.) Grüner 527 SW 12th Avenue Portland, OR 97205 (503) 241-7163

Portland has really come up in the food scene and their Grüner Burger is the best the city has to offer. A juicy delight of salty, savory satisfaction, it’s served on a poppy-seeded potato bun with pickled red onions, aioli, arugula, smoky bacon and melted fontina cheese.

22.) Rustic Canyon 1119 Wilshire Boulevard, SaMo, CA 90401 (310) 393-7050

Often voted Los Angeles’ best, the Breakfast Burger is 8 ounces of organic, Niman Ranch beef spruced up with thick cut bacon confit (that’s cooked in frickin’ duck fat), sharp cheddar, a fried egg and arugula, nestled into a perfectly-toasted Rockenwagner brioche.

21.) Shake Shack 11 Madison Avenue # 1, New York (212) 889-6600

Danny Meyer’s chain of high-end, fast-food style burgers has taken over Manhattan in the past few years. The patties are thin, yet still juicy and they may or may not contain crack, considering the unfathomable lines that people put up with in waiting for one. If you’re gonna wait, why not go for the best? The ‘Shroom Burger is a psychedelic treat that boasts a breaded, deep-fried portobello mushroom stuffed with Meunster and cheddar cheese. Heady.

20.) Blazer Burger 440 RT 22 North Salem, NY 10560 (914) 277-4424

Full disclosure: I grew up on the Celsus Burger served here so I’m a little biased. But even the most impartial observer would understand the intoxicating combination of coarse, fatty ground beef, seared to perfection on a fresh kaiser roll with crisped bacon, greasy-grilled onions and meticulously-melted swiss. Home is whenever I’m with you.

19.) Kua ‘Aina 1200 Ala Moana Blvd # 665, Honolulu, HI - (808) 591-9133

Huge, juicy beef patty, fluffy buns, and superb add-ons such as grilled pineapple and fresh avocado. I gotta get back to the island! Aloha no ka oi!

18.) Corner Bistro 331 West 4th Street New York, NY 10014 (212) 242-9502

The best pub style burger in New York is also the best value anywhere in Manhattan--by far. For around 10$ you can enjoy a decent beer and a greasy, coarsely ground, no frills bacon cheeseburger. Not organic, not fancy, just damn tasty.

17.) Squeeze Inn 5301 Power Inn Rd Sacramento, CA 95820 (916) 386-8599

Yes, the burger itself is very tasty and pretty large as well. But what makes this place stand out is their unique style of applying a large sheet of cheese--eclipsing the patty itself--and allowing it to fry to a satisfying crisp on the griddle.

16.) Village Whisky 118 So. 20th Street Philadelphia, PA 19103 (215) 665-1088

Philadelphia is a city that likes to eat. When your claim to fame is obesity, you know you must be doing something right when it comes to food. The Whisky King is their Rocky of burgers. Using naturally raised Maine beef--seasoned sensationally--and topped with oregon bleu cheese, applewood smoked bacon and seared foie gras, this is the closest feeling an Eagle’s fan can get to the unmitigated joy of seeing their team win a Super Bowl.

15.) Minetta Tavern 113 MacDougal St. NY, NY 10012 Bleecker St. 212-475-3850

Made with Pat La Frieda’s peerless Black Label ground beef blend, this hip Greenwich Village eatery can get away with charging close to $30 for a hamburger cause it’s just that damn delicious.

14.) 900 Grayson 900 Grayson St Berkeley, CA 94710 (510) 704-9900

Berkeley has many good burgers but none as good as the Grayson Burger. Using natural, organic beef and triple-smoked bacon is a good start. Adding a touch of house made BBQ sauce and a slew of fried onion strings puts it over the top.

13.) Kuma’s Corner 2900 West Belmont Avenue Chi, IL 60618 (773) 604-8769

This Metal Bar names most of their burgers after Heavy Metal legends. Whereas I will always be partial to Led Zeppelin, here I go with the original Kuma, featuring bacon, cheddar and a fried egg atop an impossibly large 10 oz. patty and sandwiched in between a rugged, salted pretzel roll.

12.) 5-8 Club 5800 Cedar Avenue So. Minneapolis, MN 55417 (612) 823-5858

The Juicy Lucy was made popular here. Your choice of cheese melted in a molten core INSIDE of the patty. Be careful when you bit into it, you might get scalded by deliciousness.

11.) Sparky’s BBQ 115 FRANKLIN ST. HATCH, New Mexico 575.267.4222

Green Hatch Chile Burger. A New Mexican sensation, and nothing like it anywhere else.

10.) Burger Bar 3930 Las Vegas Blvd So. #121A Las Vegas, NV 89119 (702) 632-9364

This place is all about choices. All-star chef Hubert Keller delivers the goods in a variety of high-end kobe beef, buffalo and turkey meat and lets you choose from a list of amazing add-ons, such as lobster tails or even black truffles. Build your own masterpiece.

9.) Peter Luger 178 Broadway Brooklyn, NY 11211 (718) 387-7400

The undisputed heavyweight champion of New York Steakhouses also makes a damn good burger during the afternoon. No surprises, as the Luger Burger uses some of their world-famous porterhouse in the chuck. The brioche is fresh and delicious and the bacon is thick cut and sinful enough to terrify the hordes of hassidim that populate the surrounding neighborhood.

8.) Le Tub 1100 North Ocean Drive Hollywood, FL 33019 (954) 921-9425

This Key-West style dive bar makes you wait upwards of an hour for what has got to be the biggest pub-style burger I’ve ever eaten. Nearly 3/4th a pound of beef that is the perfect blend of salty, savory and juicy.

7.) Spruce 3640 Sacramento Street SF, CA 94118-1710 (415) 931-5100

San Francisco’s best is brought to life with perfectly seared ground chuck and house-made pickles and pickled onions.

6.) Umami Burger 850 South La Brea Avenue, Los Angeles -(323) 931-3000

LA’s obsession with this popular series of burger joints is well-founded. The Manly Burger packs so much flavor in between the bun, it’s ri-goddamn-diculous. Bacon lardon, beer-cheddar cheese and smoked onion strings will help with that. This burger is many things, but unfortunately it is not oversized.

5.) Holeman & Finch 2277 Peachtree Road NE#B ATL-GA 30309 (404) 948-1175

This stylish Atlanta gastropub only serves around 20 of these masterful double-cheeseburgers every night at around 9:30, at the ringing of a bell. Don’t miss out. It’s like an In-n-Out double double on some serious Barry Bonds juice.

4.) Radius 8 High Street Boston, MA 02110 (617) 426-1234

Boston’s boss of burgers is the Radius Burger--a 9 oz. patty perfectly engineered by renowned chef Michael Shlow to seal in the juiciness of the beef: lightly char the exterior on a grill before placing the burger into a salamander so that it doesn’t dry out. Top it with cheddar cheese, mild horse-radish and a healthy dose of crispy fried onions...Proceed to devour.

3.) DB Bistro 55 W. 44th St., New York, NY 10036 212-391-2400

The World’s Original Gourmet Burger is $32, which is actually a value when you consider that it’s stuffed--gloriously--with savory, braised short ribs and seared foie gras. When introduced in 2001, The DB Burger elevated hamburgers to a whole new stratosphere. It’s no less delicious now than it was then.

2.) Spotted Pig 314 West 11th Street New York, NY 10014-2369 (212) 620-0393

The best burger in New York is all about the best meat--like steak on a bun...a cross-charred, buttered brioche bun. Made with an insane amount of pungent blue cheese and served with an even more insane amount of outstanding rosemary garlic shoestring fries.

1.) Father’s Office 1018 Montana Avenue, Santa Monica, CA (310) 736-2224

The top of this list was by far the easiest choice. The first-rate FO Burger is a proprietary blend of aged ribeye smothered in a heavenly compote of bacon and caramelized onion reduction with gruyere and maytag blue melted on top. Absolute perfection. No condiments allowed (much to Mike's chagrin).

Well, there you have it. Think anything is missing, or that this list is fundamentally flawed? Well, I think you're fundamentally flawed. But this is America, damnit, so feel free to chime in...