Wednesday, October 5, 2011

**Ten Most Famous T*pless Scenes**

Great. Now that the self-important political rambling has concluded, we can move on to more pressing matters: boobs. Here at the Revolting Blog © we are quite dismissive of most things, but if there are two things that we whole-heartedly appreciate, they're boobs. And a third thing: lists. So, in the interest of saving time, we've combined these totally awesome aspects of internetting into one. Namely, a list of boobs--and more specifically, a list of the most famous boobs to ever bounce their way into mainstream Hollywood motion pictures. For those of you that think this is perverted, I have a few choice 'p' words of my own to spray your way, primarily: prude, puritanical, pious, pubic. The last one is only there for dramatic impact. But, in all seriousness, lighten up. We are about to take a purely innocent, non-erotic gander at the aesthetic wonder that is the female form, no disrespect let's look at 'em titties!!! (All photos have been censored to preserve a PG-13 rating, but if you promise you're over 18--click on the titular links...haha, titular)

Considering that this was one of the most laughably horrendous action films this side of Jean Claude Van-Damme's career, I'm assuming that the only reason you ever saw this movie was for the above scene. And sweet Jesus was it worth it. Bonus points awarded to Berry for making her first topless appearance in a film with such staggering artistic merit.

This movie was incredibly influential on my adolescence. Because of this demented sci-fi action thriller, I still to this day have to assume that every impossibly gorgeous, blonde bombshell that comes up to me at a club demanding sex is probably some sort of blood-sucking, alien monster. Who knows how many genuine full-blooded human supermodels I've turned away in the process...

Good God, there's not much I can say about this movie. But that's only because I've never bothered watching anything more than this one scene. So I can tell you that this movie involves a hot, naked chick getting railed by Corey Haim, if that helps push it up your Netflix queue. I'd say it's the highlight of Haim's tragically short career, but that would only be partially true. It's actually the highlight of Haim's tragically short life.

Another one with tremendous nostalgic value. Imagine if you were an impressionable, young child and you thought you had just rented Where the Wild Things Are but were then astonished to see a steamy lesbian makeout session between two of the hotter young actresses of their day--how fucking awesome would that be? For the sake of our future generations, I hope that mistake is being made right now. By the way, who invited you Johnny Drama Sr? You're totally killing my, umm buzz.

Mischa Barton's career never reached the lofty heights that some had imagined it would. And thank goodness for that--if she had become a successful starlet she'd never feel compelled to bare her perky breasts for the world to see in a shitty arthouse flick like the easily forgettable, Closing the Ring.

Katie Holmes only went topless once--in a movie that probably was only seen accidentally in theaters, by movie-goers confused by the title into thinking they would be receiving some sort of prize upon entry. The real 'gift' came in the form of Katie's gorgeous, well-proportioned funbags, in a scene that either really pisses Tom Cruise off--or marks the only time he's ever seen his "wife's" exposed chest.

This movie was a double-whammy for adolescent boys everywhere. Not only does it feature the asinine, fart-joke driven humor of Tom Green and Co.--perfectly suited to Middle-Schoolers everywhere--it also cuts right to the chase with an incredible strip-tease from buxom blonde Amy Smart, within the first 15 minutes of the film. No pesky fast-forwarding necessary.

Amanda Peet is one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood today and this incredibly awesome, totally unexpected scene helped prop-up her promising career. Brandishing a handgun while exposing her glorious nipples was enough to make Amanda Peet any redneck's non-Confederacy-related dream come true. Too bad for them she's Jewish.

This brown-acid trip of a mindfuck that David Lynch questionably calls a 'movie' will always have a prominent place in my DVD collection simply because of the Oscar-worthy acting of Australian hottie Naomi Watts--just's because of all the scorching-hot lesbian action. Duh.

This is it! The ultimate male fantasy sequence and the exact moment when the sexual curiosities of an entire generation were awakened. It's impossible for me to think of the name "Phoebe Cates" without hearing that incredibly corny '80s electronica bleeping and blooping in the background of my brain as I envision that slow, majestic revelation of her perfectly-sculpted knockers. It is to my great advantage, or embarrassment, that the character having the fantasy shares my first name.

So what do you think? Is this list the tits, or what?

1 comment:

  1. I've just installed iStripper, and now I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.