Unlike that misguided attempt at charity that we all remember from earlier in the month, this is TRUE ALTRUISM and if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye then you might just be a heartless monster. Every now and then, or almost every day really, we need some small measure of kindness to help restore our faith in humanity. Hopefully this video helps you with this for at least a moment or two.
What's more frightening: the legends of a mysterious, goat-mutilating creature roaming parts of Southern Texas and Mexico, or the reality of a 13-year-old boy with access to a lethal firearm readily available?
You decide. But if the artful rendering of this notorious beast is any indicator of how vicious and dexterous it might be, I'm going with the 13-year-old with the rifle.
That's right son, you show that sickly coyote who's boss. Incidentally the Chupacabra has its own theme song that might be even more terrifying than the creature itself:
Of course there's also been sightings of other unexplained entities in nearby Alabama:
Which brings us to the moral of today's story: STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE SOUTH. If you want Waffle House that badly there's one in Middletown, Delaware, a good 50 miles north of the Mason-Dixon Line.
Wikipedia defines a meme as "an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture." Kind of like the meme of altruism. Oh wait, scratch that...helping other people--not just for shameless-self promotion, but for the sake of actually doing good, would never catch on, although it does make for a particularly poignant commercial if you're a multi-billion dollar insurance company:
But I'm talking about things that are really important, and that spread through the cultural landscape like wildfire. Y'know, like planking: lying face-down, motionless and completely oblivious to your surroundings. Yet how is that any different from what you do everyday as a citizen in this post-modern world? Where is the novelty in that, let alone the creativity? How many rhetorical questions can I ask in a single paragraph?
In all seriousness though, this is one of the most mindless fads to sweep the internet in ages. It hasn't been funny since Tom Greene did it in the mid-90s and it is so vastly unoriginal and uninspiring that even the morons who popularized it are moving on to bigger and better things...like owling. Thanks, Hilary Duff--you're totally socially relevant again (and your husband looks thrilled)! Pure genius.
Just imagine if you were an advanced form of extraterrestrial life, here to observe mankind before deciding wether or not to establish contact with our species. As soon as you saw a trend of people trying to outdo one another by perching themselves on ledges in an increasingly precarious manner, you would pack it up and take the next hyperspeed shuttle back to your home planet, without thinking twice. The real scary thing is that we are now encouraged by the internet to replicate the same action that everyone else is doing, no matter how inane or non-clever that action may be, just so that we can get in on a fad. What we're actually doing is promoting an environment which squashes innovation and promotes blind, mind-numbing repetition. Pavlov has just rung your bell.
Personally, I'd like to advocate throning. That's the new fad where you just sit in a chair of your choosing and look all regal--like a king. There's not much to it, but that's the whole point. Just because it's easy doesn't meant that you can't perfect it, as this awesome gentleman plainly demonstrates. And guess what, if you happen to perish while attempting these lemming-like stunts of stupidity, you are doing humanity a tremendous favor. At least natural selection has found one small way to infiltrate modern society in an earnest attempt to improve the gene pool. And speaking of pools, make sure to check out another internet sensation making the rounds: Leisure Diving. At least this one is actually cool to look at, and probably increases the risk of catastrophic injury. G'day mate.
Here's the entirely misleading and wholeheartedly erroneous statement that this flaming baggadouche said:
And THIS is how he decided to 'apologize' for it after he was called the FUCK out by MediaMatters:
And don't even think for a second that this was by accident. Faux News has pulled the exact same misinformational maneuver in the past:
I try not to get at all political on this blog as I find both sides to be players in a pathetic sideshow purposefully construed to distract, divide and prevent us from coagulating into a singular, critical mass...But this is NUTS. First off, 16 friends that died that day? Eat a bag of dicks. I am calling total bullshit on that because y'know who worked at the World Trade Center? Jews. Lots of Jews. You know what Jews don't do (aside from getting tattoos and riding motorcycles)? WATCH FOX NEWS...which means they would never befriend a hack
such as yourself to begin with. Furthermore, if you did in fact have dear friends die on that day, shouldn't that be as good a reason as any to not forget the tragic events that happened on September 11th, 2001, and the disturbing events that led up to it? Which is exactly what you did, just 72 hours ago, on national television for all to see. But now you choose to turn the story around to blame the 'petty' factcheckers with their factual facts and all? Guess what's not petty, being a journalist and reporting truthful information in a straightforward manner. That's the very nature of your job and if you can't handle it without cowering and whining like a bratty schoolchild, than perhaps you should consider another line of work more suited to your skill set...like fluffing. Remember the name: Eric Bolling, because no matter how unimaginably irrelevant he really is in this world, he is a 10 pounds of flaming douche in a 9 pound bag. If you wanna spread around mistruths that's your business, just don't do it under the guise of 'journalism.' Shame on you, sir. And your entire organization, for that matter...as more and more comes to light about News. Corps' wholly unethical tactics.
Quick. Read this article. You could be the first among your group of friends to realize how big of a schmuck you are. Well, not YOU personally...but all those other poor souls waiting on line to be the first to get their hands on something brand new! You're just here to mock the rest of them, aren't you?
Early Adopters, as they're commonly known, are the scourge of society. Not to say that they're horrible people, I'm sure most of them mean little harm. It's just that they should be neutered...immediately. They represent Conspicuous Consumption in all it's depraved glory, epitomizing the phenomenon wherein style beats the ever-living shit out of substance. Because for most of them, the actual technology they're getting their hands on comes in distant second to the primal, smug satisfaction of knowing that they got their greasy paws on it before anyone else. And how wonderful that is for all of them. Unfortunately, though, most new tech toys come fully-equipped with shitloads of flaws and limitations which aren't smoothed out until subsequent models are released (well, not always). Early Adopters are essentially volunteering themselves to be technocratic guinea pigs in exchange for showing the rest of the world how truly hip they are. Very hip.
Psychologically speaking, being among the first to adopt something new gives us a false sense of innovation, it's as if we were the ones partially responsible for creating the groundbreaking gadget at hand. We can all feel like mini-Steve Jobs'. But guess what: Steve Jobs is not an Early Adopter, he's an Early Developer...and that's infinitely more badass (and lucrative). It also allows far less time and energy to be spent on wardrobe preferences than most hipsters would be willing to abide.
But beyond just the latest technological craze, the 'I Wanna Be First' mentality manifests itself in many walks of life, notably music (you guys download the new Bon Iver album yet? Oh, I've had the pre-release for weeks, so it's kinda played out now), and of course celebrity death posts (Did you get to update your FB status to 'RIP MJ' before any of your friends did?).
It's interesting that the moment the masses climb on board with a new fad is precisely when most of the early-adopting hipsters want out, dismissing what they once enjoyed as now being hopelessly mainstream...Even though nothing substantiative nor meaningful has changed about what they were once so into, it's simply a matter of wanting to be ahead of the curve in discovering the next big thing. I suppose the thinking is: you can be the very essence of 'cool' if you are part and parcel to establishing things as 'cool.' Yet once they become 'cool' to everyone else, they're no longer 'cool' for the people that are actually 'cool.'
Make no mistake about it, this type of behavior is an impediment to interpersonal communication. I remember trying to share a Youtube video with a friend--apparently many months after it had gone viral--and rather than precipitating mutual enjoyment, it merely provoked elitist ambivalence: 'Meh, you're just seeing this now, dude?' It's the WHAT, not the WHEN that should really matter, no? What's this guy, an Indian? Thinks he's got it going bossanova.
We're all guilty of it at one point or another--I know I've been blogging about it since way before blogging even got all played out. But we could at least become more consciously aware of the phenomenon when it compels us to race out and by the hippest new toy. Do we really even want that new toy to begin with? And imagine if there were similar societal
compulsions to be the first in your social network to donate blood or to participate in radical new charities. Can't it be a badge of honor for people to wait in impossibly long lines to do good for others, instead of to just lap up the annual incarnation of Apple's incrementally-stunted superfluousness?
It's clearly a lot easier to be the first to consume than the first to produce, so I won't be holding my breath. In the meantime, I'll just let the Early Adopters weed out all of the completely useless fads so that I have something worthwhile to enjoy when I'm riding around on my Segway listening to my Mini-disc player.
I recently had the opportunity to spend time with hip-hop impresario, Jadakiss. It was a time that I'll never forget. Pure class and positive energy. He was modeling shirts for a fashion line produced by one of my dearest friends. I don't often think about clothes...but when I do I prefer it to be SirReal Fashion...Via Art and Style. That's what I really dig about this company: they create
high-quality, wearable art for people that don't want to be dominated by fashion and that don't want to spend $100 on a T-shirt. I've seen their threads in stores everywhere from NYC to SF. It's really refreshing to witness the realization of a good friend's entrepreneurial vision, which is the reason why I'm posting this today: it's never too late to follow your own vision and do your own thing. It's all just a matter of having enough determination and motivation. Take this blog, for example. They said it could never be done, but with a little stick-to-itiveness I'm now averaging no less than 10 hits a day! Suck on that HuffPo and TMZ!!!
You too can be a part of the SirReal movement: check 'em out on Facebook and Twitter.
Twice a year the east-west orientation of New York City streets creates a stunning astronomical display known as Manhattanhenge, when the setting sun dips down into the Hudson river in perfect alignment with Manhattan's grid system. It usually happens once near the beginning of May and again in the middle of July. Tonight, July 12th, 2011 at around 8:20PM, New Yorker's will get to enjoy the serene majesty of this biannual event--a proud moment wherein the Center of the Universe stops to appreciate the Center of the Solar System.
This year's Manhattanhenge should prove to be particularly spectacular, as the Sun's 11 year Solar Cycle is now officially waxing after more than a decade of being on the wane. Solar activity--sunspots, flares, magnetism and irradiance--varies sharply within these periods and in between the years of 2006 and 2008 there was a near-total absence of sunspots which actually led to a temporary stabilization in the alarming trend of global warming. But before climate change debunkers (known colloquially as 'Rednecks') even had a chance to say 'hoax,' scientists recently began to observe a dramatic increase in solar activity as evidenced by this insane coronal mass ejection, witnessed on June 7th, 2011:
Aside from producing eye-candy to people on massive amounts of LSD, increased solar activity can actually produce a more vibrant sunset. There are negative side effects, however: as our reinvigorated celestial center awakens from its short-lived slumber, more electromagnetic radiation will begin spewing our way, possibly leading to power outages, satellite interruption and sharp temperature increases across the globe. Hell, you might not even be able to Tweet--which is profoundly paradoxical because if an event's not Twitter-trending, how will you have proof that it's actually happening? Even Fox News--a bastion for those who so bravely refuse to believe in the 'myth' of science--is worried, pointing out that a major solar storm in 1859 caused telegraph lines to short out, even spontaneously bursting into flames in certain instances. Imagine the havoc that could be wreaked in the age of the internet?
Because scientists know relatively little about the Sun's atmosphere, the best we can do now is speculate. As for tonight, though, we spectate--pausing in reverence to an unfettered view of the majestic orange orb of plasma that makes all planetary life possible...and which could end it all in an instant. Might I suggest an appropriate soundtrack? Enjoy!
