Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Guilt-Free Recreational Drug Use

The "War on Drugs" has been going on for quite some time now.

Like, a realllllly lonnggg timmme....

And even though virtually all great art is written under the influence of some sort of adulterant, far, far too little is written in the defense of--and about--the overwhelming benefits of recreational drug use. Please notice how I italicized that word--and once again, recreational. I would hate to be seen as advocating any sort of debilitating disorder or crippling addiction. I don't. And I'm not.

Crystal Meth, Crack, Heroine, a little dust?!

These substances are far too time-consuming to ever be considered 'recreational.' When was the last time you went out and played pick-up basketball that lasted 16 fucking hours!!!!?

I'm clearly speaking about drugs that can be used for a good time for a few manageable hours--minutes even-- and then you happily recede back into the welcoming arms of sobriety. You know--drugs that you can go out to the store and buy, like booze...or weed:

Or a whole cornucopia of pharmacopeia...And the list goes on and on (you know how you are), and eventually you go from stores to shady darkened alleys.

But the point here is that these kind of innocuous day-to-day enhancers relieve our stress, assuage our pains, and make really shitty music tolerable to listen to.
And aside from just the careers of Lady Gaga and the Disco Biscuits, recreational drug use also supports your friendly local neighborhood bartenders, three-fourths the GDP of Columbia, and Charlie Sheen's hooker proclivity.

It magically turns the dorkiest of men into rock gods...

...And the nonsensical abstract art they create epically epiphanic in nature...

It makes cryptic phrases sound cooler than the Fonz, like when Dali said he didn't have to take drugs because he was drugs. Or when Ram Das said, "Be Here Now." So hip without saying anything really.

The reasons to engage in recreational drug-use are seemingly endless. In fact, we may never know the full extent to which recreational drug use benefits both society, culture and the economy alike. The stockmarket itself is driven by armies of daytraders that are only operational when given unreasonable amounts of fine Peruvian cocaine.

Lets be honest...who would eat any of this shit if it weren't for the munchies? Without drugs, this pictures starts to look somewhat nauseating, and where would the disgustingly-overbattered onion-ring industry be today if there product was making people dry heave? Get a hold of yourselves.

And jellyfish? Don't even get me started on jellyfish. Not a day, not ONE day goes by without National Geographic posting some trippy ass nature pictures that just wouldn't even make any sort of cosmic sense if you weren't heavily, heavily dosed. Again, through the sober lens, this picture begins to take on a sickening quality. There are creatures like that on this earth? Fucking gross.

And as for downside? What's the worst that could happen? Oh shit...That.

Well, if you were on unsafe amounts of drugs you would have a perfectly reasonable explanation for looking like this. And just remember, at the end of the day...it's all about having fun. If you're not having fun anymore then clearly it's no longer guilt-free, nor recreational....or maybe you just need to increase the dosage.

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