Bringing The Heat

AJ's Mango Habanero 'Masterspice'

I like things spicy. Real spicy. Unfortunately, most foods and sauces labeled as such fall underwhelmingly flat, aimed at a country with a proclivity for impossibly bland tastes. I'm looking at YOU, Taco Bell 'Fire' Sauce. And Tabasco doesn't even scratch the surface, although I do at times appreciate its vinegary essence. Conversely, the few hot sauces out there that do deliver on the promise of their label often fail to bring any meaningful medley of flavors to the palate. 

Why does it seem as though I can't have my cake super hot and eat it too?

Spicemaster and entrepreneur Anuj Patel sympathizes with my dilemma. As a connoisseur of Indian flavors, he fully understands the pleasures derived from the happy coexistence of intense taste and insane heat. This is why he created his very own hot sauce, harnessing heaping amounts of locally-grown, organic habaneros which he enhanced with the unexpected addition of fresh mangoes. The result is his newly-minted AJ's Masterspice, a surreal explosion of furious fire and serious soul. By introducing the fruit element, your tongue is able to discern the hidden intricacies of the habanero. It is an unfamiliar exploration to be sure, because most sauces incorporating this infamous pepper, fail to temper the initial heat blast with such gentle precision. You'll find yourself enjoying aspects of the habanero that you never even knew existed.

A gentle dollop of this potent elixir added to your favorite dish reveals a subtle sweetness accompanied by the deep, devilish tones of habanero. When the spiciness drops, it drops BIG. But when used sparingly, it's nothing that can't be tackled by less than a spoonful of yogurt or cucumber sauce. 

To me, however, it's not a real meal unless you've broken a sweat. Hyper-heat can be a spiritual experience--meditative even, as you contemplate the pain, dwell in it and let your mind temporarily elevate you to a higher plane. That being the case, AJ's Masterspice is my new guru. If you see it around, pick it up (carefully, of course). With its stunning packaging, semi-serious warning label, and trademark orangish-yellow hue, the bottles are hard to miss. Just remember, you've been warned: if you can't stand the heat, stick with Frank's Red Hot or something.

Hella Habanero

Deli Melee

Courtesy of Food Republic. Certainly nothing democratic about their comical culinary assertions.

File this under absurd. According to an article from the so-called Food Republic, Los Angeles can lay claim to better pastrami sandwiches than the Big Apple. 

I think I understand what's going on here. Since most people have never heard of the Food Republic, they need to say something inflammatory and utterly preposterous in order to generate the controversy that translates so fluidly into web traffic. I see what you're doing...and I LIKE IT! Just kidding, I abhor it. In other news: Des Moines, Iowa is home to the best arts scene in the country. And the best pizza. And the best beaches in the continental United States. Now let's sit back and watch the clicks rain down o'er me!

PS-- Sorry for the extended hiatus. The editorial staff at the RB has been on location gathering information on some of the most pressing issues of the day. Stay tuned for articles of actual significance (pictures of scantily clad models) throughout the rest of the summer. Politics are heating up--if sleaze and corruption counts as a form of convection--and general economic malaise continues to permeate the globe. Hey, there's even an Ebola outbreak currently ravaging Uganda that could threaten to spread to the U.S. 

So much calamity to write about, so little fucks for society to give.

Never Surrender...sang Corey Hart, before abruptly losing his career to the 90s

Hardcore (Food) Porn--L.A. Edition

Since this is a family site, let's try and keep it mostly PG-13:

Sloppy Joseph -- Stout-braised shortribs with fried onions @ Golden Road Brewpub

Sausage and Peppers Pie @ 800 Degrees

Bacon Cheeseburger @ Rustic Canyon

Côte de bœuf @ Patina

Birthday Cake @JDoubleO

Slippery Shrimp @ Yang Chow

Home-cooked Bacon Egg and Cheese

Albondigas for Cinco de Mayo

**Daily Food Porn**

Dry-Rubbed Rib Plate from Southpaw BBQ

Liberty Farms Duck Breast from Jardiniere

Hamachi Carpaccio from Kiji Sushi

Le Grand Burger from Wayfare Tavern

Pepperoni Deep Dish from Little Star Pizza

Pork Poutine from Magnolia Brewpub

(Click on any of the pictures to view in drool-inducing high resolution)

**100 Bites of the Big Apple**

The City is a big-ass place. When trekking through the 5 Boroughs it's easy to become overwhelmed by the staggering array of bars, restaurants, clubs, parks, bars, overpaid athletes, overpaid bankers, underpaid street performers and impossibly large sewer rodents peppered across the landscape. To help make sense of all the madness, here is your ultimate primer...The Top 100 Bites of the Big Apple (In No Particular Order--Pictured Items Italicized):

100.) "The Bomb" -- Sal, Kris and Charlie's Deli (Astoria)

99.) "Bistro Burger" -- Corner Bistro (West Village)

98.) "Spotted Pig Burger" The Spotted Pig -- (West Village)

97.) Yellowfin tuna and foie gras on a toasted baguette -- Le Bernardin (Midtown)

96.) Prime Sirloin Steak -- Sparks Steakhouse (Midtown East)

95.) "Italian Deli Pizza" -- Saluggis (TriBeCa)

94.) Pirogi -- Lomzynianka (Greenpoint)

93.) Omakase -- Ushiwakamaru (Greenwich Village)

92.) "The Salty Pimp" -- Big Gay Ice Cream Truck (Union Square)

91.) Lobster Bisque -- The Lobster Place (Chelsea)

90.) Blood Orange Doughnut -- Dough (Bedford Stuyvesant)

89.) Rose Sangria -- Boqueria (South Village)

88.) Mac N' Cheese Slice -- Vinnie's Pizzeria (Greenpoint)

87.) Jamon Serrano & Manchego Sandwich -- Murray's Cheese Shop (West Village)

86.) Fresh Mint Gelato -- il Laboratorio del Gelato (Lower East Side)

85.) "Ki Roll" -- Ki Sushi (Cobble Hill)

84.) Veal Meatballs -- Bar Pitti (Greenwich Village)

83.) Porterhouse of Pork -- M. Wells (Long Island City) [TEMPORARILY CLOSED]

82.) Banh Mi -- Saigon Vietnamese Sandwich Deli (NoLIta)

81.) "Cheese Royale Burger" -- Royale (Alphabet City)

80.) Blue Cheese Tator Tots -- BLT Prime (Flatiron)

79.) Smoked & Fried Pork Nuggets Char No. 4 (Cobble Hill)

78.) Whole Wheat Everything Bagel with Lox Spread -- Ess-A-Bagel (Stuy Town)

77.) Red Velvet Ice Cream Sandwich -- Peter Pan Bakery (Greenpoint)

76.) Croque Monsieur -- Tartine (West Village)

75.) Prosciutto Arugula -- Otto Enoteca Pizzeria (Greenwich Village)

74.) "Aviation No. 1" -- Milk & Honey (Lower East Side)

73.) Beef Marrow & Oxtail Marmalade -- Blue Ribbon Brasserie (South Village)

72.) Krasata Paidakia -- Pylos (East Village)

71.) Roasted Duckling -- Bouley (TriBeCa)

70.) Baked Stuffed Veal Chop -- Del Posto (Chelsea)

69.) Yellowfin Tuna Tartare -- Gotham Bar and Grill (Greenwich Village)

68.) The DuMont Burger w/ Gruyere and Bacon-- DuMont (Williamsburg)

67.) Cheesy Waffle Fries -- 99 Miles to Philly (Union Square)

66.) Any Extra-hoppy I.P.A. -- Blind Tiger Ale House (West Village)

65.) "Pizza del Re" -- Keste Pizza & Vino (West Village)

64.) Original New York Cheesecake -- Junior's (Downtown Brooklyn)

63.) "Recession Special" -- Gray's Papaya (Upper West Side)

62.) "Eggs Hussard" -- Schiller's Liquor Bar (Lower East Side)

61.) Capt. Lawrence Reserve Imperial IPA -- Barcade (Williamsburg)

60.) Truffle Egg Toast w/ Bottarga -- 'inoteca (Lower East Side)

59.) Meatball Sliders -- Little Owl (West Village)

58.) Nonna Maria Slice -- Bleecker Street Pizza (West Village)

57.) Vermont Pork & Cheddar Link -- DBGB (NoHo)

56.) Smoked Pork Shoulder -- Gramercy Tavern (Flatiron)

55.) Connecticut Style Lobster Roll -- Red Hook Lobster Pound (Red Hook)

54.) Hellboy -- Paulie Gee's (Greenpoint)

53.) Creme Brulee Doughnut -- Doughnut Plant (Lower East Side)

52.) Crab Pizza -- Artichoke Basille's Pizza & Brewery (East Village)

51.) Coconut Cupcake -- Magnolia Bakery (West Village)

50.) Cuban Sandwich -- Cafe Habana (NoLIta)

49.) Any Hard to Find Ale -- Spuyten Duyvil (Williamsburg)

48.) Toro Tartare -- Morimoto (Chelsea)

47.) Pappardelle Bolognese -- Babbo Ristorante e Enoteca (Greenwich Village)

46.) "Kasha Knish" -- Yonah Schimmel's Knishes Bakery (Lower East Side)

45.) Burnt Ends -- RUB BBQ (Chelsea)

44.) Xiao Long Bao -- Joe's Shanghai (Chinatown)

43.) Sweet Potato Fries -- Maoz (Union Square)

42.) Blue 9 Burger Medieval Style -- Blue 9 Burger (East Village)

41.) Freddy's Junior -- King of Falafel and Shawarma (Astoria)

40.) Mac N' Cheese Pancakes -- Shopsins (Lower East Side)

39.) Peppers & Onions Hot Dog -- Nathan's Famous (Coney Island)

38.) Margherita Pizza -- Denino's Pizzeria Tavern (Elm Park)

37.) Scallion Pancakes -- Nan Xiang Dumpling House (Flushing)

36.) Bourbon and Toffee French Toast -- Diner (Williamsburg)

35.) Fried Yard Bird --Red Rooster (Harlem)

34.) Fettucini w/ Oxtail Ragu -- Eataly (Flatiron)

33.) Dry Aged Côte de Boeuf -- Minetta Tavern (Greenwich Village)

32.) Corned Beef on Rye -- 2nd Avenue Deli (Murray Hill)

31.) "The Bee Sting" -- Roberta's (Bushwick)

30.) Peking Style Pork Chops -- Nice Green Bo Restaurant (Chinatown)

29.) Gennaro Pie -- Lombardi's Pizza (NoLIta)

28.) Frites w/ Mango Chutney Mayo -- Pommes Frites (East Village)

27.) Pilsner and a Brat -- The Standard Beer Garden (Meatpacking District)

26.) Sashimi Sushi Combo -- Tomoe Sushi (Greenwich Village)

25.) Stuffed Artichoke -- Dominick's (Arthur Avenue)

24.) Pepperoni and Basil Pie -- Lucali (Carroll Gardens)

23.) "Chariman Bao" -- Baohaus (Lower East Side)

22.) Bacon Cheeseburger -- JG Melon (Upper East Side)

21.) Porterhouse Contadina -- Carmine's (Upper West Side)

20.) "Chihuahua Dog" -- Crif Dogs (St. Marks Place)

19.) Poutine w/ Smoked Meat -- Mile End (Boerum Hill)

18.) Elvis Cupcake -- Butter Lane (East Village)

17.) Shack Stack -- Shake Shack (Upper West Side)

16.) Bratwurst & Weihenstephaner Vitus -- Radegast Hall (Williamsburg)

15.) Any West Coast Microbrew -- Pacific Standard (Park Slope)

14.) Guaco Loco -- San Loco (East Village)

13.) Rivington Street -- Murray's Bagels (Greenwich Village)

12.) Fresh Burrata -- Il-Postino (Midtown East)

11.) Akamaru Modern -- Ippudo (East Village)

10.) Falafel Sandwich -- Mamoun's Falafel (Greenwich Village)

9.) Pork Belly -- Fette Sau (Williamsburg)

8.) Sausage and Broccoli Rabe Pie -- Di Fara Pizza (Midwood)

7.) Chicken Parm Sandwich -- Tino's Delicatessen (Arthur Avenue)

6.) Porterhouse for Two -- Peter Luger Steak House (Williamsburg)

5.) Pepperoni Pie -- Totonno's (Coney Island)

4.) Spicy Pork Sausage & Rice Cakes -- Momofuku Ssam Bar (East Village)

3.) Super Heebster -- Russ & Daughters (Lower East Side)

2.) Blue Fin Tuna -- Sushi Yasuda (Midtown East)

1.) Pastrami w/ Melted Swiss -- Katz's Delicatessen (Lower East Side)

There you have it. And now I'm fucking starving. First person to compile 100 photos--one for each of these magnetic munchies--wins a prize far beyond your wildest desires.

Peking Style Pork Chops (Nice Green Bo)