The Bottle Room

Tucked between the bustling shops of Uptown Whittier, a few miles east of Los Angeles, is one of the county's premiere gastropubs: The Bottle Room. Chef and restauranteur Tony Alcazar opened the place up just over 3 years ago, inspired by his passion for good beer and good food. When those components collide, it inevitably results in an abundance of good people.  After meeting Tony and his staff last night during their very special Night With Russian River, I was bombarded by that trifecta of awesomeness. 

First of all: the beer. I could go on for days about how Pliny the Elder is the perfect pint of beer, but you already know that. Luckily, in Southern California there are a handful of places that dependably keep it on draft. So instead, I deemed it more pressing to progress to a few of their barrel-aged sours which are far more elusive: Temptation--the sour blonde, aged in French oak--and the real winner, Supplication--a sour brown ale aged in Pinot Noir barrels from Sonoma County. Its tempered tartness overwhelms my palate with the pleasant pungency of wild yeast. The slight tinge of wine, a delicate dancing partner for the tart candy flavor that makes my lips smack. I could literally never have enough of this beer. 

Turkey Burger with Russian River's Supplication

To accompany this delectable nectar, some food was in order. Tony earned his pedigree in the kitchen working at high-end gourmet restaurants throughout the region. His menu reflects this expertise, highlighted by all sorts of inventive dishes and robust medleys of flavor. As he was describing some of the food, a wave of panic swept over me as I realized that I couldn't come close to trying everything I wanted in just one visit. Mac and Cheese, Belgian beer battered onion rings, flatbreads laced with bacon pineapple and jalapeño? Chicken lollipops? I don't even know what those are, but of course I wanted them. Yet when I'm drinking good beer on tap, something in my gut always steers me to steer. After I saw one of his towering bacon cheeseburgers come out of the kitchen, I my dining selection suddenly seemed a forgone conclusion. But Tony complicated things for me considerably when he described the intricacies that went into his impossibly juicy Turkey Burger. A 60/40 blend of white meat and dark, it's doctored up with smoked bacon, aioli, melted swiss, marinated mushrooms and fresh avocado. Although I never thought I'd hear myself say these words: "I'll go with the Turkey Burger," I certainly don't regret having said it.

25th Anniversary Toronado Ale

I was even happier still when John, the manager, offered me a taste of a supremely limited edition Russian River offering: their 25th Anniversary Toronado Ale. This wild sour is a bottle-fermented blend of all sorts of exclusive, craft-minded deliciousness. Celebrating the quarter-century mark of one of San Francisco's most beloved beer bars, it hasn't really made it too far outside of the Bay Area and I was super lucky to catch a taste of it.

After meeting all sorts of friendly homebrewers, we took our drinks out to the front patio, adjacent to the cozy confines of Whittier's commercial epicenter. We exchanged stories of craft beers past and made promises to meet up again for a bevy of beer drinking in the near future. In fact, it was such a warm, pleasant vibe, that I was invited back to a nearby house party shortly after the woeful pangs of last call.  An evening of old favorites like beer and burgers could only be topped with the introduction of new friends.

It took me a long time of living in this area to make a trek to the lesser-traveled streets of Whittier. If it wasn't for Tony and his craftily conceived establishment, I might not have ever known what this town was all about. The Bottle Room was worth the journey and as an all-around experience it's one helluva destination.

Boonville Beer Fest

16th Annual Boonville Beer Festival

I like beer. I like it a lot. It makes me happy to drink it, I get happy just thinking about it. In the West Coast--particularly Northern California--craftbrewing is a cult-like obsession. The best brewmasters in the world live there as do the snobbiest drinkers. They go hand-in-hand in fact; obviously the people with the best tastes are going to be producing beer that tastes the best.

This is all common sense, but what might not be commonly sensible is the fact that one of the greatest beer drinking events in the world occurs annually in a Mendocino County town with a population of just over 1,000. Boonville, California is home to the award-winning Anderson Valley Brewing Company, producers of a lovable line of satisfying suds like the caramel and toffee-tinged Winter Solstice Seasonal Ale. The pastoral mountain town is also the setting of an annual party to which some of the 50 greatest beers on the planet are all invited. And although the Mendocino County Fair is only a few acres, every year on the second Saturday of May it represents the Mecca of microbrewing.

Knee Deep Brewing Company

For just under $50, you can spend the entire afternoon sampling unlimited amounts of porters, stouts, lagers, sours, IPAs, wheats, Belgians, wild ales, barleywines, pilsners, doppelbocks, saisons, lambics, bitters, Kölschs, Imperial IPAs and stouts or even the occasional trippel. Am I missing anything? Probably, because at around this time of day I passed out behind the shade of an old pickup truck.

Buzzing

But that was well after enjoying mind-numbing offerings from Knee Deep Brewing Company--with their award-winning Hoptologist DIPA, the illustrious pinot barrel-aged Supplication sour by Russian River and a whole slew of lesser-known-but-equally-magnificent micros like the Space Oddity from Redwood Curtain Brewing Company in Arcata. They experiment with all kinds of flavorful hybrids such as Belgian Style Porter or Imperial Golden Ale, and are all very difficult to find anywhere outside of Humboldt County.

Bear Republic out of Sonoma had a few selections on tap that I had never seen before but none were as memorable as the Campfire Stout from High Water Brewing out of Redwood; dark and delicious with the mouth-watering tones of melted marshmallows. I am making myself very thirsty right now and extraordinarily jealous of my former self. 

There were of course a few other things going on that day. I distinctly remember eating a bunch of deep-fried pickles while listening to a band of unknown genre play some entirely unmemorable tunes. 

Show Me The Way To The Next Beer On Draft...

After the festival ended in the early evening, local restaurants served up veggie pies and seafood dishes of questionable origin to patrons that were drunk enough to enjoy just about anything. In exchange, I offered our waitress some homemade quinoa salad which she seemed to enjoy. 

The evening ends with much deserved rest around the campfire as some final bottles of local libations are consumed on a subdued evening at the nearby campgrounds. Ultimately, in looking back, I am filled with a certain sense of sadness: all I have now are a bunch of fuzzy memories to hold me over until next year's go-around. 

Next time I'd be smarter to try smaller pours so as to enjoy a little bit more of everything before slipping out of consciousness. Can't guarantee that will happen, but I can guarantee that I shall return triumphantly to the Anderson Valley on the second Saturday of every May, ready to rock. Good God, I love beer so much.

Pliny the Elder

The best beer in history comes from Santa Rosa, California. In this quaint Bay Area city--right along the laid-back streets of downtown is where you'll find the Russian River Brewing Company--makers of the highest rated beer EVER. Beer Advocate gives its an A+ grade, which is funny because there's nothing better than an A+

In fact, this beer is so unbelievably perfect, you could actually use it to water your plants (please don't use this beer to water to your plants).

Here's the part where I could easily bore you with ancient anecdotes about the life and times of the historical figure for which the beer derives its name. But let's face it, even Pliny himself wouldn't give a fermented fuck. At any rate, the bottle itself says it all:

If you know at all about the fine art of brewing, then you are already very well aware of Vinnie Cilurzo and his tireless efforts to make this world a safer place for beer-drinkers everywhere. He is a legend of microbrewing mastery, not to mention a helluva nice guy. It wouldn't surprise me if the guy cures cancer someday, but I'm not gonna put any added pressure on him to do that, because even if he hangs it all up tomorrow he's done far more for the human race than should ever be expected of any one man. If you want to show him a sign of your appreciation, try sending him a holiday card or something. But I have a feeling that he would be happier if you just picked up one of his peerless specimens of liquid perfection and enjoy the fastidious craft that he instills into each and every single bottle of the Worlds' Greatest Beer. Here's a list of places where you can find it. If you don't live near these places, consider moving there now!

Here's the line of presumably unemployed alcoholics waiting--on a workday--for upwards of four hours outside the brewery on the annual release date of the controversial Triple IPA, Pliny the Younger.

I can't imagine what kind of a schmuck you'd have to be to waste hours of your life on beer, but I'll be sure to text you when I find out...

The Man himself talks about his very special creation:

The Pliny Premiere

Beer is absolutely delicious. Nobody would try to deny that. But imagine if you could find a beer that is more delicious than any other beer on the planet? If you live in northern California, you don't need to imagine because according to a global consensus the world's best beer comes from a microbrewery in Santa Rosa called Russian River Brewing Company.


Meet Pliny the Younger. According to Beer Advocate, this libation--brewed for only a few short weeks in February--is the undisputed king. Like the New York Giants of Beer. Rated even higher than the prestigious Westvleteren 12, a belgian ale that Trappist monks have had several celibate centuries to perfect. Russian River Brewmaster Vinny Cilurzo has only had about a decade to attain this same level of perfection and he didn't even have to give up sex in order to do it--in fact he has a very lovely wife.



Pliny the Elder is readily available here in the Bay Area throughout the year. It is without question the best Double IPA the universe has ever seen. Subtle hints of grapefruit and other sublime citrus notes balance out a complex flavor that dances on your palate in a delicate pirouette of divinity. I am drinking one right now, and I hope you are too. The Younger brother only goes on tap for a limited time however and has garnered quite the cult following in recent years. It's like The Elder on performance enhancing drugs. Everything that makes the Elder so insanely delectable and well-balanced is jacked-up a notch in The Younger, a Triple IPA

I thought I was being soooo clever when I went up to Santa Rosa on the day of PtY's premiere. Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by a throng of thousands that looked precisely like this:



People were waiting upwards of 4 hours to get into the bar and have a first lick at this masterful creation. I had to tug at some serious connections in order to get a backdoor entrance after only a mere hour of waiting. After all, if you're going for the backdoor you have to wait until the moment is juuusst right. Sorry for the buttsex humor. I just had to squeeze it in there.

So anyhow, we make it inside and it was like stepping into Shangri La. Ten ounce pours of Pliny are being disseminated by the hundreds. I took my spot at the bar and probably did not move more than a few yards for the next 8 hours. After that, any movement was a stumble at best. This is what happens when you start throwing back a Triple IPA which is nearly 11% alcohol. Each one is equal to about 3 bullshit beers.


Since this blog is dedicated to 'anything under the sun that's fucking awesome' I must disclose to you that this bar is also known for two other reasons: Pizza Bites and cheap hookers. Okay, I was just joking about the hookers part--when girls drink this much booze they almost always forget to charge. The Pizza Bites however are like less than 10$ for a large pizza that is cut down in to small bites. Topped with pepperoni and pepperoncini, the spice and fat is perfectly engineered to slice through the bitter hoppiness that dominates Plinies Younger and Elder. Incidentally, spice and fat is also a hallmark of cheap hookers.





Uh oh. This bar's almost getting too famous. Now they're on the evening news? After drinking this much booze, the last thing I need is to have network television cameras around. I'm glad they didn't interview me because I have absolutely no idea what would have slurred out of my mouth at a time like that. Oh yeah, now I remember. And now that I think of it, I was hoping this post would have more abortion jokes. After all, it's never too soon for a good abortion joke. In fact, it's usually just a little bit too late. Have you ever noticed that drunk driving is a little bit like abortion? Nobody wants to advocate it, but even if you're against it, you know you have done it at least a few times. Alcohol is usually the catalyst for both. There's not a lot of mass transportation heading towards or away from Santa Rosa, California. So if you didn't plan ahead with a designated driver, let me recommend for the future that people with crippling and debilitating alcoholism always make good ones. We all know how messy it can get when these people drink, so they best stay sober. They also can provide you with countless anecdotes of how alcohol ruined their lives while you are getting increasingly shitfaced. Now THAT'S entertainment people. If you are gonna drive drunk though I suggest staying on major highways and steering clear--literally-- of schools and/or hospitals. Remember, just as many people get pulled over drunk for driving too SLOW as too FAST. So don't be afraid to step on that accelerator a little bit.


Pizza.
Pliny.
Perfection.
















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