Commentators chuckle as man falls to his death on national television:
In other uplifting news, a Colorado woman is in police custody after allegedly killing her cat to death with brown heroine until it died. Sound's like a party!
But at least things are looking up for the struggling Recording Industry, who just persuaded major internet service providers to ramp up efforts to punish the scourge of our earth: Illegal music downloaders.
Whoopeee! We're SAVED! That was close...Although there's always those pesky supernovae.
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