Pizza Power Players--The Undisputed Top 20

In honor of Official Pizza Month, and to placate my demanding friend @LCS (Louie CS, not the Mormons) I am presenting you eager readers out there with the undisputed list of Best Pizzas Ever. For the record, Official Pizza Month is in October, so I have a little time to get my pies in order. Until that time, let's just play it safe and regard this list as irrefutable, scientific law. If you think the following list is a little New York-heavy, well then you've clearly not spent enough time in The City. After all, there are at least 4 spots below that are not in the NY Metro Area. That's a generous concession right there. And only 4 out of the top 5 are from Brooklyn--so as for favoritism...fuggedaboutit!

1.) DiFara Pizzeria (1424 Avenue J Brooklyn, NY 11230)

Two Words: Domenic DeMarco

2.) Johnny's Pizzeria (30 W Lincoln Ave. Mt. Vernon, NY 10550)

Cheese Baked Right into the Thin-Crust Dough

3.) Lucali's Pizza (575 Henry Street Brooklyn, NY 11231)

Crispy Simplicity--Basil and Fresh Parmesan

4.) Totonno Pizzeria (1524 Neptune Ave., Brooklyn, NY 11224)

Thinner Crusted--Sauce on Top

5.) Grimaldi Pizza (19 Old Fulton St., Brooklyn, NY 11201)

Coal Oven Magic

6.) San Marzano Pizza (71 Clinton St., New York, NY 10002)

Napoletana, Naturally

7.) Modern Apizza (874 State St., New Haven, CT 06511)

Thin and Crisp--The Best Pizza Outside New York

8.) Lou Malnati's (6649 North Lincoln Ave., Lincolnwood, IL 60712)

Sausage in Every Bite--Best Deep Dish Ever

9.) South Brooklyn Pizza (63 4th Ave., Brooklyn, NY 11217)

Fresh Neapolitan Pie at 4AM

10.) Sal's Pizza (316 Mamaroneck Ave., Mamaroneck, NY 10543)

The Best Sicilian Slice in the Country

11.) Pizzeria Delfina (3611 18th Street, San Francisco, CA 94110)

Sausage and Broccoli Rabbe--West Coast Pizza At It's Best

12.) Cheeseboard Pizza (1512 Shattuck Avenue, Berkeley, CA 94709)

Fresh Local Ingredients Change on the Daily

13.) Pizzeria Mozza (641 N Highland Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90036)

Batali's Best on the West

14.) Famous Joe's Pizza (7 Carmine Street, New York, NY 10014)

Textbook NYC Pizza

15.) Frank Pepe's Pizza (157 Wooster Street, New Haven, CT 06511)

Home of the Sensational White Clam Pie

16.) Kesté Pizza (271 Bleecker Street, New York, NY 10014)

Authentic Italian-Style Pizza in the Heart of the West Village

17.) Lombardi's Pizza (32 Spring Street, New York, NY 10012)

The Birthplace of Coal Oven New York Style Pizza

18.) Gioia (1586 Hopkins Street, Berkeley, CA 94707)

Light, Full-Crusted New York/California Hybrid--Best of Both Coasts

19.) Colony Grill (172 Myrtle Avenue, Stamford, CT 06902)

A Unique Fried Dough That's Thin and Brittle

20.) Portofino Pizzeria (Route 22 Shopping Center, Goldens Bridge, NY 10526)

Great AND Gratuitously-Oversized: A Hometown Staple

Sweet Jesus, this is FAR AND AWAY the definitive collection of pizza on the planet today. If you disagree, not only are you a schmuck, but you probably find this satisfying.

Food Porn

The Good:


The Bad:


The Ugly (Insanely Beautiful):

**WANTED**

Have you seen this man?



If so--for the love of cross-dressing Jesus--do not approach him! Authorities believe the so-called 'Bruschetta Bandit' to be parmed and extremely dangerous. If you're unlucky enough to encounter this mysterious deviant please consider alerting your local pizza hotline. (Offer only applies in the Greater DC Metro Area)

In fact, he might be stealing your pizza as we speak--stuffing slices under his sweatshirt. None can be trusted. Here is the most recent surveillance video obtained thru hidden FBI security cameras:

Just Keep Practicing

Courtesy of GFunkExpress, the following is the inspiring clip of a young child who has just learned to ride a bike for the first time. Thanks to modern technology (social media in particular) this iconic young lad is now immortalized as a symbol of unyielding courage and determination.

For bonus motivational points, try cranking Vangelis in the background:

That Vangelis dude is kinda rockin' the whole Loggins/Messina motif, huh?

Would have thought him to be significantly more Beethovenesque in appearance...

**UPDATE**

After years of honing the masterful skills of facial impersonation, Vangelis has managed to NAIL the patented Beethoven grimace, a scowl which is usually only brought on after years of ruthless childhood lashings. No word yet as to wether or not the post-modern pianist had to endure savage floggings in order to sustain such a disconcerting stare, typically reserved for probable sex-offenders:

I Am Not An Andriod...

This epic mashup of more than 30 individual covers of Radiohead's seminal classic, "Paranoid Andriod" will give you goosebumps everytime. Unless, of course, you're not at all human.

Jump.

Travis the Dog